Road Rage – Valentine’s Day Edition

ZOMG, Happy Valentine’s Day!!  Instead of getting you chocolate/flowers/gonorrhea, I’m giving you this blog post.  Two in one week!  I hope I’m not spoiling you.  Clearly my job has a complete disregard for fake holidays/the weekend, and so I had to work … but I hope everyone else had a day filled with love/bitter angst.  I suspect all of the people who read this blog fall into the latter category.  But, good news!  Not only is dying alone no biggie, but catering was so festive today:

I have alot of feelings about this.

It’s purple?  Let’s all take a moment to think about what this could possibly be.  In the back there, we have a panini style sandwich.  It was chicken, pepperoni and pesto, which was good.  And by “good” I mean, it didn’t trigger my gag reflex.  I was able to choke down half a sandwich even though the pepperoni was a strange addition and didn’t taste particularly good.

If you are confused about the scary looking vegetable medley with the murky water in the forefront, join the club.  All natural instincts screamed “oOOoHHhh HELLLL NO” when I saw this bowl of purple goodness on the buffet table:

All signs point to NO.

OK, there are a few things I’d like to point out here.  First, that I had to take this photo using my cell phone –spy-style– because the eating cheerleaders were all lurking around.  I felt like such a creepster, but I had to get the signs.  Before they started stationing the “chefs” at mealtimes, they used handwritten signs like these to let us know what we were eating.  They haven’t busted out the signs in awhile, but I guess this was a special occassion.  ATTENTION!  THIS IS RED CABBAGE/RED ONION DRESSING!  NO ARTIFICIAL COLORS ADDED!!  Just in case you were worried that Barney had spooged his man juices into a bowl for consumption.

As if the purple goo weren’t confusing enough, but the bowl of shredded orange cheese and sunflower seeds (wtf is up with the overabundance of sunflower seeds in these lunches?) as added “condiments” really had me speechless.  Whyyy would anyone want to put any of these things on limp, overcooked frozen vegetables?  I mean, I know we are in the mountains but that can’t possibly explain the elimination of all fresh produce from my diet?

Needless to say, I tried it (60% out of sheer hunger and 40%, curiosity).  I can honestly say, I have never tasted anything like it.  It was creamy.  It was barfy.  It was gross.  The end.  I think the picture says it all.

BOOM. ROASTED.