Chinese Chicken ‘Slaw

Upon graduating, me and a bunch of friends decided to do a cross-country roadtrip and drop everyone off in their respective hometowns. One of the places I was lucky enough to visit was Memphis, TN … home to Beale St. (where memories are made and promptly forgotten), the National Civil Rights Museum (the former Lorraine Motel where MLK Jr. was assassinated), a badass standard poodle named Ellie, and Elvis’s Graceland. Also relatively close, but not technically in Memphis is Graceland Too.

Words cannot express the ridiculousness of this 24-hour Elvis shrine, so if you’re in the neighborhood of Holly Springs, MS … just go. You won’t regret it. But not only was the trip worth seeing a giant pink house full of Elvis crap, but my friend’s Mom made this awesome coleslaw for dinner while we were there and I haven’t stopped eating it since. This is a jazzed up version of the Caldwell original, and is so good that (like Elvis) you can’t help falling in love.

Greenery:
1 head of cabbage or 16 oz. package of coleslaw
1 bunch of green onions, chopped
2 carrots, grated
6 oz. slivered almonds or 1 small jar of sesame seeds (optional)
1 8 oz. can mandarin orange slices
1 package of chicken ramen
1-2 breasts of chicken (poached and shredded) — a quick alternative would be to shred one of those delicious rotisserie chickens you can get at the grocery store

Dressing:
½ c. oil
3 T vinegar
¼ c. sugar
Flavor packet from soup mix

1. Preheat the oven to around 350 degrees (if your oven runs hot, then you might want to lower it to more like 300). Crush the ramen noodles while still in the package by throwing it on the ground, crushing it on your head frat boy style, or whoopee cushioning a fattie. Toast the pieces along with the sesame seeds or almonds (if you’re using them) in a single layer on a cookie sheet in the oven for 10 minutes, making sure to give it a shake after 5. Don’t stray too far from the oven because the window between perfectly toasted and incinerated is a small one.

2. Combine all the dressing ingredients in a small container and shake it, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture.

3. Toss everything else in a giant bowl, dump on the dressing and marvel in its coleslaw glory. Be sure not to dress it until right before you’re about to eat it or else it gets soggy and gross. That’s what she said.