Posts from — October 2008

In the spirit of patriotism in this exciting election season, I’ve decided to celebrate one of America’s favorite things: obeastly grub. With our economy in the crapper and idiots on the ticket, I decided nothing is as comforting as a heart-attack inducing snack in times of crisis. Try these at your own risk.

The Luther Burger is the mack daddy of fatty eats. Basically it’s a bacon cheeseburger sandwiched between 2 Krispy Kremes. Amazing? Probs. I’m afraid to try it for fear that it might send me into an epicurean utopia from which I can never escape.

The history behind the LB seems a bit shady with some sources saying it was named after the famous R&B crooner, and others saying he actually invented it when he ran out of hamburger buns. No wonder Mr. Vandross felt the power of love; I would too if it was sandwiched between a couple of donuts.

This little number is called the Hamburger Fatty Melt. It’s a hamburger between 2 grilled cheese sandwiches, which is totes genius.

Meet the Hamdog. Some crazy ass restaurant decided to take a hot dog, wrap it in a beef patty, deep fry that shit, throw it on a bun and then smother it in chili, cheese and onions. The coup de grâce is the fried egg they decided would be the cherry atop this artery clogging sundae. The whole thing sounds sick, but I’d probably take a bite and like it.

The Fat Darrell is the brainchild of a drunk college student. It’s inventor and namesake, Darrell Butler was craving chicken fingers, french fries and mozzarella sticks but didn’t have the cash to get all 3 from Rutgers University’s famous Grease Trucks. He asked the guy to throw it all on a sandwich and smother it with marinara sauce, and viola! The Fat Darrell sandwich was born. I’ve actually eaten one of these, and all I have to say is OMFG it’s ridic good.

Lastly, I can’t do a post on ridiculously fattening foods without mentioning the Queen herself, Paula Deen. Basically her entire arsenal of recipes can be posted under this thread, but I just saw her make this last week on her show so decided to go with her idea to make a cheesecake, take a slice and wrap it in a wonton wrapper, then DEEP FRY it and smother it in chocolate sauce. Holy eff, that woman is a saint. I love how she calls it Ultimate Fantasy Deep-Fried Cheesecake, which seems a little redundant considering what ELSE would deep fried cheesecake be besides the ultimate fantasy?

xoxo
Snarky

Since my day job has me chained to a desk for most of the day, I do most of my cooking at night and on the weekends. Howevs, I have gotten pretty good at “cooking” in the office kitchen. Since the office kitchen gets alot of traffic, you have to try and limit cooking to something that is: a. quick, b. easy and c. isn’t going to stink up the kitchen (eliciting passive aggressive post-it rants). This recipe makes one tasty breakfast sandwich in less than a minute, all within the comfort of your corporate prison cell.

1 egg
1 english muffin
1 slice of cheese (American is the traditional favorite)
3-4 slices of ham (if you’re feeling ambitious you can substitute this with bacon or a sausage patty, but you need to cook them before you bring them to work which is annoying and prevents being able to press the Snooze button approximately 3 times before actually getting up)

Everything fits conveniently into a single ziplock bag.

1. Pry/cut open your english muffin. I think the whole forksplit thing is bullshit. Thomas is such a lazy motherfucker. Why can’t he just cut it all the way through? Personally, I like my muffin toasted but it’s up to you.

2. This is where the McGyver tricks come into play. Find a coffee cup and lid (these are pretty standard issue for any place of employment). Crack your egg into the bottom of the cup and close it securely with the lid (don’t open the drinking tab or anything, it should be completely closed). Nuke your coffee cup egg for 10 seconds at a time, checking for doneness after each 10 second interval. I’ve found that 20-25 seconds yields the best egg because it leaves the yolk runny. If you’re not into that, 30 will give you a fully cooked yolk.

3. Place the ham and cheese on the bottom of your english muffin and microwave for 10 seconds, or until the cheese is melted.

4. Run your knife around the edge of your coffee cup to loosen the egg. Flip it over and give it a nice tap on the end.. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!! OHHH, ZINGGGG!!

5. Salt and pepper to taste and enjoy a Michael Scott breakfast of champions sans the Foreman Grill foot injury.