Egg salad has always been one of my favorite things to eat — not the gross gloppy mess you see behind the deli counter, but the good homemade stuff that Mom used to make. As a decidedly simple concept (eggs+mayo), making egg salad isn’t rocket science yet most attempts end up in disastrous results. Too often egg salad gets a bad rap because its so easy to screw up. Some egg salad pitfalls include (but are certainly not limited to):

• being too mayonnaise-y: its egg salad, not egg-flavored mayo
• having the consistency of wallpaper paste: great for making a sandwich fort, but not so great when you’re using them for eating
• being tasteless
• being rubbery: most commonly caused by overcooking the eggs — yes, just because they are hard-boiled doesn’t mean they can’t be overcooked.

Cooking eggs can be tricky, since you obviously can’t see shit through an eggshell and every person has their own idea of what works. One friend (who shall remain nameless) confessed to boiling her eggs for 13 minutes. Sigh, hopefully this recipe helps all of the egg-salad impaired out there. This recipe makes enough for 2 sizeable sandwiches.

4 extra large eggs
1 small to medium-sized shallot, minced
1/2 celery rib, minced
1 t. dijon mustard
1/2 t. lemon juice
3 T. mayonnaise
salt and pepper to taste

1. Arrange eggs in a single layer in a medium-sized pot and cover with 1 in. of cold water. On high heat, bring the eggs and water to a boil. Once boiling, cover the pot and remove from the heat. Keep covered for 10 minutes and voilà perfectly cooked eggs! For easy peeling, drain eggs and return to the pot. Cover and shake to crack egg shells, then immerse eggs in ice water so they retract from their shells.

2. Mash 2 whole eggs with a fork, making sure to maintain sizeable pieces of egg (unless you’re going for a gross baby food consistency, in which case, mash away). Cut the remaining eggs (I like to do these sans yolks to feel healthier, but you can leave them in if you like your egg salad really yellow) into a 1/2 in. dice. I like doing it this way because then its kinda chunky, but not too chunky.

3. Add the remaining ingredients and lightly mix together with a fork. Salt and pepper to taste.

4. If you’re feeling sassy, this recipe can serve as the base for any number of egg salad variations:

• Spicy Curry Award: leave out the mustard, and sprinkle in a bit of curry powder to taste
• Bacon and Scallion: replace shallot with 1 diced scallion and add crumbled bacon bits
• Deviled Egg Salad: add 1 T. of sweet pickle relish and add paprika to taste
• I Rike-ah Egg Sarad: replace dijon mustard with half a packet of Chinese mustard from your last takeout venture and a squirt of Sriracha for some heat

This egg salad is good for a couple of days if you keep it covered in the fridge, but I’m pretty sure that you’ll probably just make 2 sandwiches and eat them before you’re even done reading this sentence.

A Snarky Top Chef Recap: Episode 3

The show opens with Spike and Andrew playing grab-ass and pretending to be Borat (kinky). They’re battling (unfortunately not to the death) for the title of “Biggest Douchebag Ever.” Ryan looks cute when he brushes his teeth, and our naughty thoughts are interrupted by Richard telling us he’s “serious” about his food. Stephanie misses her gnome friend and everyone agrees that the theme of this season’s Top Chef should be Girl Power.

We’re introduced to the guest judge, Rick Bayless (of Frontera Grill & Topolobampo in Chitown) who is channeling Barney in his fashion choices.

  
             I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family

For the Quickfire Challenge the contestants are asked to create an upscale taco [insert lesbian joke here] that could be served in a fine dining restaurant. Manuel is pumped for the Quickfire because he’s Mexican and the executive chef at Dos Caminos, so naturally thinks he’s got this one in the bag.  Dale rocks his signature sweatband because, as the saying goes, if you can’t stand the heat … then get a bad accessory. We are once again subjected to the cheftestants’ horrendous choice of accessories (see: Erik’s plaid straw hat & Spike’s Dick Tracy hat) and unentertaining insights during their confessionals (like Real World + a kitchen -  the good looking people).

  
The Boring Brothers

Manuel miraculously transforms into Carlos Mencia (aka The Worst Comedian Ever)  as he describes his Quickfire dish with authentic rolling “r”s and perfectly placed enyes and tildes. Sadly, Rick didn’t think Manuel’s taco was too caliente, and chooses Richard’s jicama tortillas with avocado, papaya and cilantro stems for the top spot. He also likes the offerings of the Douchebag Duo, Spike and Andrew. On the losing end, Lisa’s tough skirt steak, Erik’s sloppy plate and Ryan’s low budget presentation make up Rick’s least favorite tacos.

Next, the chefs are asked to choose their own teams, and they divide themselves up into 2 teams (red and blue) for the Elimination Challenge. They hop in their Highlanders and drive out to a random neighborhood in the middle of Chicago to get their challenge for the day: cook for a mealstogether.com block party for 40 adults and 70 rugrats. The catch? They have to go door-to-door like a bunch of Girl Scouts (eff the Red Feathers — “we don’t need no stinkin’ patches!”) begging for the ingredients. The Red Team sends pretty boy Ryan to ask for donations first, and they strip the cupboards bare. Meanwhile, Designer Imposter Borat hits the jackpot when he finds a walk-in pantry/emergency bunker belonging to a woman expecting the Apocalypse.

Team Annoying (aka The Red Team): Zoi, Dale, Andrew, Spike, Ryan and Richard II
Block Party Menu: sliders, corn dogs, pork skewers, sangria, Waldorf salad, pasta salad, taco salad, dip bar, s’mores

Team Boring (aka The Blue Team): Stephanie, Nikki, Antonia, Mark, Manuel, Lisa and Richard
Block Party Menu: paella, slaw, bbq pulled pork sandwiches, bean salad, inside-out cookie, sexy drink, fruit cobbler

Both teams feel grrrreat about the challenge. The members of Team Annoying decide to celebrate by drankin’ some bro sodas and shooting hoops with the neighborhood kids. They are all fun and games because chefs should be entertainers. Like clowns. Clowns with little burgers full of awesomeness. Per usual, Spike and Andrew of Team Annoying display a typical symptom of douchbaggery: overconfidence. They are sure that their winning smiles, bad Borat impressions and overall awesomeness will carry the team to victory.

Andrew throws like a girl.

Back at the Top Chef ranch, the judges are underwhelmed. They didn’t like Nikki’s dry mac ‘n cheese or Dick’s paella. But they did like Antonia’s beans and Stephanie’s sexy drink and dessert.  By default, Team Boring wins for sucking a little less than Team Annoying. Stephanie racks up another win for her mixed fruit crumble with cinnamon sugar wontons and citrusy “sexy drink”with lavender and mint.

Thumbs up.

Unsurprisingly, Team Annoying is put on the chopping block. I feel bad because I love Dale but he should’ve known not to get on the train to Clowntown USA (Population: 2). Half the team gets dominated by the judges, who are here to find a Top Chef, not a Top Jester (Spike and Drew didn’t get the memo). Ryan’s Waldorf salad was watery and bland like his personality. Erik gets reamed for his soggy dogs and Zoi’s pasta salad was flavorless/oily/sucked big time. The judging goes from bad to worse, when Spike and Andrew decide to plead their case/run their mouths and the team gets owned for having crappy palates. In a fit of insanity, Andrew the Chucklef*ck busts out with this: “As far as me going home right now, you’d have to drag me out with security guards, more or less, because I ain’t goin’ no where. This is my house.” Chef Tom gives the stinkeye, because I’m pretty sure this is his house.

Thumbs down.

In the end, Erik is sent packing because nobody likes a limp (corn)weiner. That’s what she said. (Wait, no, seriously this time.  She = Padma.)

After getting really excited at the thought of the Top Chef contestants cooking exotic animals last week (good editing job, Bravo) … it got me thinking about grub with gross-out factor. How gross is gross? Would you ever eat a slimy and wriggly live octopus?

I’ve always thought of myself as an adventurous eater. I mean, once in 7th grade my granola-munching Science teacher thought it would be fun to bring in mealworms as a “snack” and I was one of the few who tried them (all I remember was that they were crunchy). I figured I couldn’t get any weirder in the eyes of my classmates after I opted to eat a ham sandwich immediately following our fetal pig dissection. (I mean, I washed my hands first. What can I say? I love the pig. Mmm bacon.)

But I’ve got my limits. Even my hero, Anthony Bourdain, can gross me out sometimes with some of the shit he eats on No Reservations. Like that time he ate worm egg tacos. Or testicles. Also, the last time I was in the Philippines I refused to eat balut, and I gagged/cried when my brother did. (PS Don’t click on that link if you’re planning on eating after reading this.)

However, I like to think I’ve eaten my fair share of weird food … which often results in me getting alot of food poisoning.  Like the last time I was barfy in Korea with my brother and sister-in-law and she took me to a voodoo doctor/medicine man/random Asian grandpa in a strip mall and he whipped up some sort of vommy smoothie/magical nausea-inducing elixir that made me hurl my guts out the entire plane ride home. (Not fun when you’re flying coach on an international flight and your random seatmate has decided she might like to make a nest on the floor below your row instead of sitting like a NORMAL HUMAN.) Thankfully I couldn’t make out what his wizard hands were throwing into the blender or decipher what he was saying. Because contrary to popular belief, I can’t speak Korean. Or speak to pandas. Or read the kanji on whatever flyer you are trying to give me in Chinatown.

This morning my friend KP sent me the link to Edible Delicacies, a website offering food that might test your gag reflex. You can buy anything from barfy weasel coffee, some badass scorpion vodka or even worm crisps. Actually most of the stuff on this site is pretty wimpy (not even close to being as gross as my Korean cocktail), but its a good resource for those of you in the market for tea picked by trained monkeys.

For those of you who are bored with the offerings of your local butcher (Wait, seriously who still has a local butcher? The closest thing I’ve got to a local butcher is the snot-nosed, hipster wannabe who stands behind the meat counter at Whole Foods), check out Fossil Farms. Upon first glance, most of the stuff seemed pretty normal (I ate Pietmontese burgers from Red Coat Tavern in MI like whoa), but then I clicked on rattlesnake and lost my appetite (for like 2 minutes, and then I was hungry again but not for rattlesnake … for a Red Coat burger with smoked gouda and blackened onions).

So the question of the day is: What are YOU willing to put in your mouth? (That’s what she said. Ugh, I’m sorry I can’t help it. It’s both a blessing and a curse being this funny.)

A Snarky Top Chef Recap: Episode 2

It’s just another morning at the Top Chef house, and Stephanie is so pumped from last week’s win that she is working out at the Top Chef Gym in her boxers (consisting of some free weights, a yoga mat and an exercise ball). Zoi and Richard II are acting distant and behaving differently because Top Chef is a job. A job where you switch shoes like Mr. Rogers before going to work. Except Mr. Rogers didn’t wear ugly black clogs or have a girlfriend named Richard II. Aaaannd they’re off to the Quickfire Challenge.

The chefs are asked to create a dish using only 5 ingredients from the Green City Market. The Quickfire Challenge seems pretty boring considering the guest chef is Wylie Dufresne (the wd-50 chef-meets-mad- scientist). The only highlight is watching New Zealand Mark frantically run from stall to stall like a contestant on Supermarket Sweep looking for $10,000. After successfully pissing off all the Green City Market vendors by being pushy and rude, he forgets his stupid greens at the stand. All that work for nothing! Smooth move, Ex-Lax. (I’m not sure who was more annoying — Mark, or moron Spike who decided shopping for ingredients was for losers and instead opted to take in a nice banjo show.)

Ultimately, Mr. Dufresne and his muttonchops choose Mark’s sirloin steak with mushrooms, turnips and peach cream as the winner of the Quickfire (with Ryan and Valerie rounding out his top 3). Andrew is disqualified for not being able to properly count to 5, and Richard, Erik and Spike are in the bottom group.

Next, the chefs draw knives with different members of the Animal Kingdom on them. Woooo, a group challenge!! They must cater a Linken Park Zoo staff party for 200 and create a menu based on the diet of the team’s chosen animal. It’s only fitting that the first group challenge has the contestants split up into animal teams. The group challenges are survival of the fittest just like in the wild. I love watching the control freaks exert their dominance and stomp on the weak ones. I love the bitchfests that come with anal retentive chefs’ vain attempts at collaboration. I love the finger pointing drama at the Judges’ Table.

Per usual, the contestants head to Whole Foods to shop. Spike molests the produce section like a scavenger and Lisa falls on her ass like a newborn baby giraffe.

Feeding Time at the Zoo:

Gorilla
Diet: leafy greens, root vegetables, all fruits, eggs, corn, wheat/oats/soy beans
Team Members: Stephanie, Valerie, Antonia
Dishes: lamb & edamame cups, banana bread, crab salad on celery root chips (sans chips because they got soggy), black olive blinis with mascarpone

Lion
Diet: beef steaks, ribs, venison, chicken, eggs, beets
Team Members: Erik, Richard, Ryan
Dishes: bison tartare, beet salad with goat cheese foam, chicken sate, prime rib with horseradish foam

Penguin
Diet: herring, anchovies, scallops, crab, squid, shrimp
Team Members: Andrew, Jennifer, Lisa
Dishes: thai shrimp & crab salad, roasted zucchini, squid ceviche, yuzu & mint effin‘ glacier (you have to say this in a super-high and super-gay falsetto)

Bear
Diet: umm don’t bears eat everything including humans (Timmy Treadwell, R.I.P.)?
Team Members: Dale, Spike, Nikki
Dishes: venison loin with butternut squash, seared salmon, stuffed mushrooms with dried blueberries, cheese & honeycomb on bread

Vulture
Diet: quail, rabbits, shellfish, chickens, lamb
Team Members: Mark, Manuel, Zoi
Dishes: braised chicken on tostada chip, Morrocan lamb meatball, anchovy on quinoa croquette

Penguins rule.                               Gorillas drool.

The Vultures and Penguins are chosen as the top teams, and douchey Andrew gets his first Elimination Challenge win with his squid dish. The Gorillas and Bears end up on the chopping block and nobody cares about Team Lion since they got about 2.5 seconds of airtime. Nikki’s mushroom turds, Stephanie’s watery crab salad and Valerie’s nasty blinis all end up on the Judges’ shit list for being poorly executed and tasting like poo. Stephanie owns up to dressing her crab salad too early (thats what she said) and Team Bear gets chewed out for presenting the judges with cheesy bear turds without even tasting them.  In the end, Valerie the Gnome is asked to pack her knives and go back to the forest because everyone knows blinis are gonna blow unless they’re made fresh. Sayonara, Valerie … nobody will miss your cold blinis or your annoying voice.

Valerie and family

Who knew there was camel milk, let alone camel cheese?! Kids these days … they’ll milk anything with nipples.

Apparently, I can try this camel cheese at Zaytinia (701 9th St. NW) so I’ll let you guys know.

To the Cheese Course, Prepare to Add Camel

Upon graduating, me and a bunch of friends decided to do a cross-country roadtrip and drop everyone off in their respective hometowns. One of the places I was lucky enough to visit was Memphis, TN … home to Beale St. (where memories are made and promptly forgotten), the National Civil Rights Museum (the former Lorraine Motel where MLK Jr. was assassinated), a badass standard poodle named Ellie, and Elvis’s Graceland. Also relatively close, but not technically in Memphis is Graceland Too.

Words cannot express the ridiculousness of this 24-hour Elvis shrine, so if you’re in the neighborhood of Holly Springs, MS … just go. You won’t regret it. But not only was the trip worth seeing a giant pink house full of Elvis crap, but my friend’s Mom made this awesome coleslaw for dinner while we were there and I haven’t stopped eating it since. This is a jazzed up version of the Caldwell original, and is so good that (like Elvis) you can’t help falling in love.

Greenery:
1 head of cabbage or 16 oz. package of coleslaw
1 bunch of green onions, chopped
2 carrots, grated
6 oz. slivered almonds or 1 small jar of sesame seeds (optional)
1 8 oz. can mandarin orange slices
1 package of chicken ramen
1-2 breasts of chicken (poached and shredded) — a quick alternative would be to shred one of those delicious rotisserie chickens you can get at the grocery store

Dressing:
½ c. oil
3 T vinegar
¼ c. sugar
Flavor packet from soup mix

1. Preheat the oven to around 350 degrees (if your oven runs hot, then you might want to lower it to more like 300). Crush the ramen noodles while still in the package by throwing it on the ground, crushing it on your head frat boy style, or whoopee cushioning a fattie. Toast the pieces along with the sesame seeds or almonds (if you’re using them) in a single layer on a cookie sheet in the oven for 10 minutes, making sure to give it a shake after 5. Don’t stray too far from the oven because the window between perfectly toasted and incinerated is a small one.

2. Combine all the dressing ingredients in a small container and shake it, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture.

3. Toss everything else in a giant bowl, dump on the dressing and marvel in its coleslaw glory. Be sure not to dress it until right before you’re about to eat it or else it gets soggy and gross. That’s what she said.

A Snarky Top Chef Recap: Episode 1

The first episode of Top Chef featured Chicago-style deep dish pizzas, culinary classics, lesbians, Anthony Bourdain (!) and … the f word. The show started off with the cheftestants doing the meet and greet at Chicago’s famous Pizzeria Uno, the birthplace of the Chicago-style deep dish pizza. Along with the handshakes and introductions, we learned that Richard is a molecular gastronomer, Andrew is a douchebag, Stephanie is a Star Wars nerd and for the first time, there is a couple on the show. After Zoi and Jennifer “out” themselves to the rest of the contestants, Padma and Tom arrive to announce their first Quickfire challenge. Surprise! You’ll be making a signature Chicago-style deep dish pizza (that will later be delivered to famous guest judge, Rocco Dispirito).

After tasting them all, Rocco divides the chefs into 2 groups: sucky pizzas and yummy pizzas. There are both boring and exciting pizzas offered up, but Richard’s peach and taleggio pizza with sweet tea sauce and Mark’s marmite accented pizza are singled out as Rocco’s favorites. These groups are used later in the Elimination challenge, a head-to-head classic dish cook-off between Rocco’s favorites and Rocco’s not-so-favorites.

Each chef from the Quickfire’s winning group, must choose a chef from the loser group to “battle.” The loser chef has the honor of picking what classic dish they will both have to prepare, from lasagna to soufflé, and the winner of the culinary battle is exempt from elimination. Since Top Chef lobbed the contestants an easy first challenge, most of the chefs hit it out of the park with the exception of the unfortunate Zoi and Erik who got soufflé … and Nimma. Poor Nimma was obviously out of her league from the underseasoned “hunter-style” mushroom pizza to her cauliflower flan gone awry. Nimma became our first Season 4 casualty, while Stephanie’s duck wowed Anthony Bourdain and earned the top spot. Deuces, Nimma, I can’t say I’ll miss you since you were the only lame-o who didn’t hang out on your first night in the swanky Top Chef pad. Too bad all that shut-eye didn’t help your seasoning abilities.

 
      the duckin’ winner          pack your knives, sucka

Meet the Chefs:
 

Mark
Quickfire Dish: pizza with chicken, zucchini and marmite molasses
Elimination Dish: silly and pretentious deconstructed Duck à l’Orange (vs. Stephanie) – Loser
What you remember: his hot New Zealand accent and love for Vegemite

Zoi
Quickfire Dish: pizza with broccoli, pesto, lamb sausage
Elimination Dish: rice pudding soufflé (vs. Erik) — Winner
What you remember: wants to bring a softer side to Top Chef by making more spicy pighead soup; Richard II’s girlfriend.

Nikki
Quickfire Dish: white pie with mushrooms and truffle oil
Elimination Dish: sheep’s milk gouda lasagna with homemade pasta (vs. Jennifer) — Winner
What you remember: New Yawker who doesn’t know much about Chicago style deep dish, but made a mean lasagna out of fresh pasta that would have made her Grandma proud.

Evangelos aka Spike
Quickfire Dish: “pizza a la grec” with onions, feta cheese, olives and sausage
Elimination Dish: eggs Benedict with lemongrass sabayon (vs. Lisa) — Loser
What you remember: smarmy Greek guy who wore a wicker baseball cap

Nimma
Quickfire Dish: “hunter-style pizza” with mushrooms, onions and stracchino cheese
Elimination Dish: salty-ass shrimp scampi and cauliflower scramble (vs. Antonia) — Loser
What you remember: was (predictably) the first contestant voted off. Is good at being a Muslim woman and a free American, but NOT good at using salt. In the course of a single show managed to make a pizza that needed salt and a shrimp scampi that needed less of it (plus a vomit-y looking cauliflower “scramble” from a failed attempt at flan).

Lisa
Quickfire Dish: asian bbq duck pizza
Elimination Dish: lobster eggs Benedict (vs. Spike) — Winner
What you remember: can “really touch people with food” … enough to make them orgasm.

Antonia
Quickfire Dish: pizza with burrata, proscuitto, argula and heriloom tomatoes
Elimination Dish: shrimp and lobster scampi with parpardelle (vs. Nimma) — Winner
What you remember: fun Italian who loves to feed people and made a delicious looking scampi that earned her a spot in the judges’ Top 4.

Richard
Quickfire Dish: peach taleggio pizza with sweet tea sauce
Elimination Dish: meaty crab cakes with magic smoke (vs. Andrew) – Winner
What you remember: his questionably gay faux-hawk. You cheered when he stole Andrew’s pizza pan, flaunted his mayonnaise and “smoked” Andrew in the crabcake battle.

Ryan
Quickfire Dish: pizza with escarole, ricotta salata and butternut squash
Elimination Dish: breaded chicken piccata with gnocci (vs. Richard) — Loser
What you remember: when Rocco said he was as dense as his gnocchi. Is cute but not the sharpest knife in the drawer, as his explanation for why he breaded his chicken piccata made absolutely no sense. Loves to talk about being 11, which could possibly be the time when he peaked both as a chef and intellectually. Maybe would have avoided getting a new one ripped by the judges if he had read the Snarky Chef instead of relying on his flawed childhood memory of chicken piccata.

Manuel
Quickfire Dish: sopressata and rapini a la siciliana pizza
Elimination Dish: Mexican steak au poivre with scallion cilantro sauce (vs. Dale) — Loser
What you remember: you don’t.

Andrew
Quickfire Dish: pizza with smoked marinara, proscuitto, onions and cheese
Elimination Dish: bready amalgamation crab cake with cilantro basil pudding, orange peri-peri sauce, pancetta aioli blah blah blah blah blah blah (vs. Richard) — Loser
What you remember: when he sang “phatness” in a high falsetto voice and got served by Richard THREE times in one show. Confused the elimination challenge’s cooking battle with a freestyle battle, as he “spit” his impossibly long explanation of his dish only to get dissed by Dick again. Possibly the new Marcel (aka “the annoying one”).

Jennifer
Quickfire Dish: “harvest pizza” with grapes, bacon, fontina and rosemary
Elimination Dish: Northern Italian lasagna with autumn veggies (vs. Nikki) — Loser
What you remember: her uncanny resemblance to Richard. Also rocks the gay faux-hawk but instead of being questionably gay, is definitely gay … as in Zoi’s girlfriend gay.

  
  TWINS??

Valerie
Quickfire Dish: “meat and potatoes” pizza
Elimination Dish: orange (?) chicken piccata (vs. Ryan) — Winner
What you remember: ::crickets chirping::

Dale
Quickfire Dish: pizza with sausage, pickled kohlrabi, scallions, srirarcha sauce
Elimination Dish: Asian steak au poivre with green peppercorn (vs. Manuel) — Winner
What you remember: Filipino guy who always looks stoned and loves the f word. I like him.

Stephanie
Quickfire Dish: pizza with melon tomato sauce, proscuitto, olives and arugula
Elimination Dish: Duck Breast, Mushrooms, Bok Choy & Duck Spring Rolls with Orange-Soy Glaze vs. Mark) — Winner
What you remember: her Yoda backpack. Was so nervous that she was shaking like a crack addict while saucing her duck dish, but ended up redeeming her gamey (hahahaa — this is a great Mad Libs word) proscuitto from the Quickfire by winning the first elimination challenge.

Erik
Quickfire Dish: pizza with mushrooms, onions, peppers and sausage
Elimination Dish: mashed potato nacho soufflé (vs. Zoi)
What you remember: looks like Zangief from Street Fighter II. Is a tattooed biker dude who just wants to cook in flip-flops and aloha shirts.
 

The Count:

Number of Cheftestants Remaining: 15
Number of Times the F-Bomb Was Dropped: 19
Number of Times Andrew Was Annoying: 3,021

Yep folks, its about that time again for the new season of Top Chef!!  It is nice of Bravo to start Top Chef just as my high from the season finale of Project Runway has finally faded.  I mean, I may have watched an episode of the Real Housewives NYC in the meantime (not quite as bad on the embarassment scale as watching Blow Out or Show Dog Moms and Dads) but nothing can compare to watching a motley crew of contestants teter on the brink of insanity during a ridiculous Quickfire challenge (um remember the vending machine challenge?!), only to be verbally bitchslapped by Tom Colicchio.  PLUS, these bitches have knives and love to bitch, moan and throw their closest friends under the bus.  Now THATS good reality television.

This year the series is set in Chicago, and features 16 contestants from all over the country.  Most of them have some pretty impressive culinary resumes, having worked either at restaurant hot spots (like Budakkan and 24 Prince) or with heavy hitters like Mario Batali and Jean-Georges.  You can check out the competition for yourself here:

Meet the Cheftestants

Don’t be fooled by the slightly ghetto-looking red and yellow sign. Julia means business. In her case, business is delicious and portable pockets of heaven. With locations all around the District, Julia’s Empanadas often go unnoticed; they are small shops consisting of a counter and glass case displaying these pastry delights guaranteed to be “baked by hand and made with love.” There’s not much in terms of seating, as the restaurant’s namesake offerings are all a grab-and-go affair. All of the empanadas follow the same filling convention: meat (chorizo, beef, chicken or turkey), carb (rice and beans or potatoes), and veggies/extras (onions, jalepenos, hard-boiled eggs, raisins). They also have 2 meatless empanadas for the herbivores, spinach and vegetarian. I hear they also have salads, soups and desserts — however, these offer nothing but roughage that threatens to take up the precious real estate in my belly that would be better spent housing Jamaican flavored empanadas (by far the best flavor). A close second would be Chilean Style Beef (although my friend Boyd refers to the Chilean as the ugly stepchild of the Jamaican — harsh, albeit true, but he hates olives and is biased). At $3.50 a pop they make a wonderful cheap snack or light meal whether you’re an olive lover or hater. The empanadas always taste fresh, with a nice flaky crust and boldly flavored fillings. So go pay Julia a visit, and trade in your Blackberry handheld for this much tastier version.

*Also, a sidenote to all the boozehounds, Julia’s is open until 3:30 AM for some quality drunk eats. Expect a long line, and be ready to battle other rabid (read: drunk) fans for Julia’s glorious empanadas.

Growing up in an Asian household, I used to watch my Dad sprinkle “magic dust” on practically everything — from brisket to plain old french fries.  Once I was older I finally realized that this “magic dust” was MSG (gasp!) and not commonly found in my other friends’ pantries.  For awhile I would downplay the fact that MSG was often used in my diet because of its reputation for being unhealthy.  It’s good to know that MSG is back en vogue and hopefully shedding all the negative hype.  Today it was featured in the New York Times as that little something extra that makes everything taste so good.

Yes, MSG, the Secret Behind the Savor